Goofy's Sunshine
by Golden Mist Fox
Summary: Goofy is good but he is a goof. Crack fics, centering around Rin with the other True Cross members. A series of one-shots.
1. Being a Saint

**Goofy's Sunshine**

Summary: Goofy is good but he is a goof. Crack fics in the universe of the True-Cross cram class. A series of one-shots.

**Disclaimer: I do not own Blue Exorcist**

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**Being a Saint**

Yukio stood, his eyes glaring holes at certain twin devil-minions that posed looming in front of him.

"Yukio! What on devil's sake took ya so long?", a snappy voice of Rin sounded behind him. He galloped close like an angry horse, a supporting attribute of a somewhat feminine summer-hat bounced proud on his head.

"I'm contemplating nii-san"

"Contemplating what?", Rin suppressed growling out, "About the diplomatic pros and cons of getting into a damn _toilet_?"

Yes, the said two devil minions seemed to be two doors leading to the toilet, only Yukio seemed to have an unworldly conflict within himself in the matter of 'choosing'

"You took 15 whole minutes to decide which freaking _gender_ you belong to? Take a _damn_ look inside your pants!", Rin growled out impatiently, patting the area between his legs for extra mega-emphasize.

Yukio frowned, then got back to his dreading task of door-watching, "But I don't know which is for which.. Look! Who in their right mind would put a _papaya_ and a _banana_ as gender signs?"

The fruits, the source for the irritated teacher's mini dramatic confusion, hung innocently near each door. The obviously fake papaya was cut vertically, while the banana was.. like any banana there was, yellow and curved. Damn... they tasted great when they were not such party-poopers for any human's most basic need, pissing. The enigma, as the brunette's brilliant intelligence failed to decipher, was pissing him off! *pun intended*

"Um...", Rin scratched his head, not sure whether to frown or to laugh out loud, "You seriously can't tell?"

"What?"

"They obviously differentiate women and men, ya know... urm... in that way?"

"Huh?"

"Umm in that sword and sheath analogy? Or this?", Rin gestured his forefinger inside his 'o' shaped curled thumb and forefinger.

His twin just stared at him as if he was a lunatic jumping around in a street monkey-show wearing hot-pink tight skirts and gigantic sun-shades. _'But he is the dumb one!'_

Rin raised his arms, feeling defeated, "Just use your instinct then! God~ Mr. Such-a-pain-in-the-ass-saint, don't they teach you 'bout this stuff in biology class? No? Well, I ain't as hell taking the job!"

Yukio huffed and fixed his glasses, feeling slightly irritated at his brother's vague and worthless explanation, "Fine, I shall use my instinct then" He turned around and started towards the door. Rin squeezed his eyes shut, fearing the worst. _'You'd better be lucky in 50-50 luck guess lil bro...'_

Seconds later...

"_Pervert_! Get the hell outta here!"

"Nerd-shit, I'm sooo gonna cut off your dick and feed it to my poodle puppies!"

"_Kyaaaah! Lecher glasses freak_!", a roll of toilet paper was thrown out of the chaotic room.

_'Guess not...'_

Rin chose to be smart and bolted 1000 steps away from the soon-to-be massacre site. Just in time as a freaked-out-beyond-words Yukio burst out with a red-angry hand-print on his cheeks, his clothes was tattered and spectacles half dangling, and a mob of a dozen women hot in his heels like hounds in a mission for blood.

From that day onwards, Yukio would scream at the mere sight of any papaya or banana displayed on a TV's screen.

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~Golden Mist Fox


	2. Grace my Bed

**Goofy's Sunshine**

Summary: Goofy is good but he is a goof. Crack fics in the universe of the True-Cross cram class. A series of one-shots.

**Grace my Bed**

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_Crash!_

"Noooo~ my cake!", Rin mourned hysterically as he jumped futilely to his dear cake rescue, drops of fats tears randomly burst out of his eyes like mutilated garden-sprayers.

He cradled the half-destroyed fancy cake with maternal tender. Sobs wrecked his body and his tail trembled with anguish.

"So-sorry Rin! I didn't mean to!", Shiemi apologized in panicky. She went down to help.

"I-it's okay, it's my fault too for placing it near the edge of the table", his tone was forgiving but Shiemi wasn't convinced.

"No it's my fault!", Shiemi tried to peer beneath the shadows on Rin's face, "If-if there's anything I can do to make up for this, please say it!"

"Ya don't need to", Rin laughed with strained voice. _'God... here lies Koneko's birthday cake, may the holy forces give it a peaceful rest'_, he sobbed his condolence mentally.

"No! Please! There has to be something!"

Rin huffed then said a little sarcastically, "There is. Come _grace_ my bed"

Don't blame him. A mother's wrath when her poor baby was knocked down, even unintentionally, could even make Rin's golden heart to blurt out such line to an innocent girl.

"I-I'll do it"

Rin blinked. _Huh?_

"I'll come to your room at 3 today. Bu-but you mustn't come in before I say so! I need to prepare everything!", Shiemi declared, fully determined and fired up.

"Huh?", Rin's eyes blinked rapidly in disbelief, for having trouble to decipher whether Shiemi was serious or not.

Shiemi shouted confidently, "I'll do my best! I'll even do a special service!"

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Rin fidgeted nervously.

Standing in front of his own room never had been this nauseating. Even the slightest shuffle heard from inside could jolt him a little panicky attack.

_'Are-are we really going to do it? I mean we're both only high-schoolers and she's totally a virgin! Um looking at it that way this is my first time as well, but she is a girl! This should be more troubling for girls right? I mean I'm not the one who will have... something shoved up into their- Gah! This is so fucking frustating!'_

"Rin!", Shiemi's totally friendly call pierced his mind and soul like a nasty bullet, "Yo-you can come in now!"

Now in Rin's mind, thousands of chibi Rins were panicking around carrying suitable 'processing' files. But a lot of them did trip, scattering the papers in a mass of hurling thoughts.

Rin stumbled and using the basic of his motor skill, managed to shake his hand to the knob.

_Creak..._

Swirls flooded his vision as he tried to calm himself and man up for this extremely crucial moment of his life.

Then he managed to take a good look at last. And he saw... _flowers_! Lots and tons of non-eye-friendly colors of flowers on his desk, littering on the floor, bouquettes tucked in his shelves, and heart-shaped red roses on his bed!

"Look! Is it beautiful enough? Di-did I do a good job in _gracing_ your bed?", Shiemi, flushing red, looked expectantly with shining eyes to a lightning-struck Rin, "As a plus, I've also decorated your table and closet as well! I-I hope you and Yuki-chan would like it...'

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"_Oh merciful God_!", Rin screamed so loudly that it shocked the blonde girl, "Spare me from Your wrath! Please forgive this lowly servant for trying to taint this pure-hearted angel You've placed in this sinful earth~!", Rin wailed and fled the room, nearly knocking his twin down in his mad rush.

Leaving a dumbfounded Shiemi who was formerly quite confident in her flower-decorating bed task.

Yukio raised an eyebrow, "Nii-san! Don't run in the main alley! The floor there is- *CRASH* ("_GWAAA! Please spare me from Your divine punishment God!_") -never mind..."

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~Golden Mist Fox


	3. Fur Invasion

**Goofy's Sunshine**

Summary: Goofy is good but he is a goof. Crack fics in the universe of the True-Cross cram class. A series of one-shots.

**Fur Invasion**

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"Happy birthday Konekomaru!"

"Happy 16th birthday! May God bless you always!"

Cheers lighted up the joyous atmosphere as Konekomaru laughed in pure exuberance among the small circle of his cram class friends. Ah there's Okumura-sensei as well.

Simple feast was served in mock elegance of fake silver platters as they laughed and chatted animatedly.

Bon, finding something or exactly someone was amiss, whispered discreetly to Yukio, "Hey Okumura-sensei, where's Rin? Konekomaru seems to be a little sad because he misses his birthday party you know..."

Yukio wiped his mouth with a napkin, "Hm? Okumura-kun? Well..."

_Flashback_

_"Hey Yukio! Don't wait for me, just go first!"_

_"What about you nii-san? Miwa-san's birthday party will start in mere minutes from now"_

_Rin smiled proudly, "I have to retrieve his birthday present first. Believe me, he's gonna be flipping happy!", he then put a hasty finger in front of his lips, "Pssst, don't tell anyone!"_

_End Flash_

Yukio smiled nervously, "Don't worry he'll be here soon"

_SLAM!_

Suddenly the double front door was opened abruptly, shocking everyone present. A silhoutte was standing at the entry. The illumination of the bright round moon behind him outlined his figure, the most conspicuous feature being two look-like-dog ears and a swishing tail.

Shima freaked out instantly, "_Werewolf!"_

The figure, as everyone expressed their fear, walked inside to reveal...

"Nii-san!", Yukio exclaimed then wrinkled his nose, "Urgh what's that smell? And what on heaven's name are you wearing?"

Rin smirked, "Can't you tell? I am a cat! Look at my ears and the fur vest! I've done a great job right?", the half-demon's tail swished happily. The beaming teen, as he had stated before, wore a simple black Tee topped by a dark fur vest. A pair of cat ears was perched on top of his head, with the addition of his own tail, he surely had done an exceptional job in immitating the major features of a feline.

Yukio raised an eyebrow,_ 'Is that supposed to be the birthday present?'_

"But tha-that doesn't explain the smell...", Konekomaru piped in, "And why are you dressed like that?"

"It's the smell of first-grade catnip wine splashed on the vest! And this clothing is for attracting-

The earth rumbled and the guests panicked.

"Wha-what's that?", Konekomaru asked in horror.

Rin grinned, "Ah they're here! Here ya go!", Rin took his fake ears and vest off then placed it on Konekomaru, "Happy birthday! Hope you like the present!" With that, Rin quickly took off.

"Wa-wait!" The rumbling got more intense before...

_"Meow!" "Meow!" "Meow!" "Meow!"_

From the front door, a massive horde of cats burst in, trampling the ground with terrifying ferocity as they headed straight inside.

"_Cats_!", Bon shouted, "What the hell are they doing here?"

"It's the smell of the catnip wine! Miwa-san take the vest off quickly!", Yukio warned briskly.

Too late. The frozen cat-lover had already been tackled down by dozens of the furry felines he adored, the flood of hysterical intoxicated fur-balls fought feverishly for a mere taste of the supreme wine, with him, at the centre of the chaos. The last feline, he noticed at the spur of the moment, was Rin's beloved cat, which attacked happily on his face knocking him down to drown in the sea of meowing creatures.

Aftermath, Konekomaru was convinced that his affections were something the government had created as biological weapons that were waiting for the right moment to terrorize human-kind... definitely... someday...

_Meow!_

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~Golden Mist Fox


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